Will it be the same again?

Hi, I’m Jo Perry and I’m 37 years old. I’m married to Doug and we have one daughter, Mackenzie. This is my story.

Words: Jo Perry

I felt a lump, which for a few weeks I kept a check on. My period came and went, the lump was still there, and there wasnothing on the other breast. I visited the doctor who thought it was benign, but didn’t chance it and sent me for a mammogram. My mammogram showed the lump was fine, but there were calcifications. These were of concern.There and then they did a biopsy and the results came back clear. Two days later I got a call from the doctor saying the radiologist wasn’t happy with the result and I was sent to Waikato Hospital for another biopsy.

Because the previous results were clear, I went to the appointment alone – I’m a no fuss kind of person! The calcifications where fine, but the duct was where it was hiding. The result: I had DCIS – Ductal Carcinoma in Situ. I was stunned I had breast cancer, I didn’t even shed a tear I was so stunned.
I remember walking out of the hospital and ringing my husband to tell him the results. “I have breast cancer. It felt so weird to tell him, he cried. We met for coffee and talked, then I went to the gym. I needed to keep busy.
I was booked in for a lumpectomy to remove the offending area. I had a hook wire inserted (to guide the surgeon) under mammogram. This procedure took an hour and then I went straight to the hospital. Only a neat little scar at the bottom of my breast showed from my one night hospital stay and within two weeks I was back at the gym.
Three weeks later my results came through. The news was getting worse each time. The results showed that not only was there one duct with DCIS as initially thought, but 13 other sites were found. My options now were mastectomy or another lumpectomy with radiation. Both made me feel sick. I cried. Just hearing the word mastectomy closed my mind down. I had been so sure at each appointment that this was all really overkill. “Come on my first results were clear, now I need a mastectomy!” I held my mum’s hand, she was now my ears.
I was booked in for a MRI scan, so we could ascertain how big the lump was, hopefully making my decision easier. It showed nothing, my breasts were too dense. After reading further material and given that I have small breasts (12B cup) another lumpectomy wouldn’t have left me with much breast and what I would have would be small, deformed and shrivelled. So a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction was the option for me.
I now had three weeks to get my head around it. I personally needed that time. We held a party (wine options) and went away for a romantic, pampering weekend to Napier. I knew that there would be so much of me that would remain the same.
The day before the operation I had to travel to Waikato hospital for a radioisotope injection, to find my first ‘train station’ of lymph nodes. These first lymph nodes relating to my DCIS were removed during surgery.
The big day was looming and I was filled with dread and worry. About 4.00 p.m. I closed down and wept, until then I had been so strong. “After tomorrow I will never be the same again”? I wept on my husband’s shoulder. We couldn’t stop the time, tomorrow would come. We felt hopeless, and I felt scared to death. I wanted to be alone. I couldn’t talk to people on the phone, but people had other ideas. First there was the friend who I had warned not to come. “I’m not in a good space,” I texted her. “I’ve come to give you a hug”, she replied upon arriving. I wept on her shoulder.
Another dropped off muffins, another dropped by for a cuppa and to share a book of inspirational quotes. Another couple came and dropped off what seemed a tonne of meals. I was kept busy that night, it was meant to be, I wasn’t able to dwell on tomorrow. True I wanted to spend it quietly alone with family, but I would have cried double buckets. The friends who came gave me strength, showing they loved and cared. Sometimes what we want is not what we need.

Operation Day

At 5.45 a.m. I woke and gave my husband a hug and wondered again, ‘will it ever be the same?’ We had to be at the hospital by 7.00 p.m. and at 7.30 p.m. I was called in to see the Anesthetist. I was doing okay until she came into the room. I felt my control dissolve, I was fighting back tears. “Don’t be such a drama queen”, I told myself, “she doesn’t want to see you cry!” Then she informed me my operation wouldn’t be until 9.30-10.00 a.m. A two hour wait, my heart dropped. She asked if I would cope or get anxious. It was at this point I replied, “Anxious”, and burst into tears. Mackenzie crawled on to my lap and I sobbed into her shoulder. I was offered ‘chill pills’ and a bed in pre-surgery for the wait. This was a god send. It gave us privacy, and me dignity. The chill pills worked. I don’t even remember saying goodbye to Doug and Mackenzie. Doug was holding back the tears so as not to upset me and here I was blissfully unaware.
The operation itself went well. The surgeon informed me the only change of plan was they had to take out five lymph nodes instead of two, as they were stuck together.
During the first 24 hours I had a Patient Controlled Analgesia (PCA) pump which I hardly used. It was removed the next day, this was bliss. It had three tubes coming from the one site, while my other side had the two drains and it all made for a difficult nights sleep. With my fried brain I was unsure how to use the PCA. I thought it delivered 5ml of Morphine each shot. I was told after it was only 1ml. I would have used it a bit more had I known.
The long awaited ‘free from hospital’ day came. I was in for five days, to be honest only the last two days were long. But they were filled with visitors, reading and sleeping.
I had great nurses, Helen, Ava, Glenys and Sarah. Only one commented on my age. One nurse made bags for the drains to go in when I went home. I could see why, whilst in hospital, you don’t stand out if you have drains, tubes, and drips sticking out of various body parts. Try going to a garden centre with one!
A week after my surgery, I still had one drain in. I was weeding the garden, doing home paperwork, and generally feeling good. I just had tiredness in the afternoons and there was basically no pain, just some tightness.
And hey you know what’s great, I’m still me! Yes I have a smaller boob than normal, but I can laugh. My husband still loves me, I can cuddle my daughter, chat to my girlfriends. The following week I got the results from the lymph node biopsy. As I still couldn’t drive I took someone with me, but this time I hoped for good news!
The news was OK. My breast did have extensive DCIS throughout. I had made the right decision. There wasn’t a clear margin and it was recommended I have radiation. I haven’t, as the area is right over my heart and given the extra side affects I chose not to. I’m right back into life, I’ve finished writing a book, completed a triathlon and I am a complete gym junkie. I’m still the same, just a little different!
Much love to anyone going through this or about to.

Jo Perry