Future designs

Given just a few months to live, Pam Hermansen Chose to plan her own funeral.

Words: Lorna Thornber
Looking at the hand-painted pink coffin in her garage decorated with pairs of breasts and ribbons, Pam Hermansen feels a strange sense of calm.
“It doesn’t frighten me,” says Pam, who was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006 at age 45. “It represents what I’ve been through and will hopefully help raise awareness of this incredibly dangerous disease.”
Pam had her left breast removed shortly after her diagnosis but, although the cancer had been detected early, she learnt in April 2008 that it had spread to her bones and liver and become terminal. In February this year she was given just five months to live.
“I coped pretty well. I think mum probably took it harder than I did. You just deal with it and try to be positive.”
When a palliative nurse suggested she begin planning her funeral, Pam, who had finished treatment about six months earlier, decided she was ready.
“I feel lucky to have been able to organise it. I want a nice casual funeral and I’ll ask guests to wear pink.”
Keen to keep costs down, Pam, who lives in Christchurch, asked a builder friend to make the coffin and an acquaintance to paint it.
Having come to terms with her imminent death, Pam says she strives to remain positive.
“I’ve never felt angry. Breast cancer isn’t something that’s given to you, you just get it. I hate the thought of leaving this earth and my darling mother, daughter, grandchildren and sister, but they will be looked after. I just have to make the most of the time I have left.”
Taking strong drugs to enable her to live more comfortably, Pam says that, while she tires easily and gets short of breath, she’s still able to enjoy catch-ups with the girls and weekends away.
“I’m not the girl I used to be and my social life isn’t what it was, but I do different things. I visit libraries and art galleries and go for drives in the mountains to soak up the beauty of nature. I don’t take anything for granted.”
Pam appreciates the irony of the fact she feels more at peace than ever. Her partner left her shortly after her diagnosis, telling her he couldn’t cope, but Pam realises now she’s much better off without him.
“It’s the first time I’ve really been without a man and I’ve never been happier. I’ve been on my own for most of the time I’ve had cancer and I’m proud to have done it myself.”
She realises she isn’t really alone, however, saying her family has been hugely supportive. She worries a lot about her mother who has already lost one child (her brother died of bowel cancer at age 50). Pam’s sister was also diagnosed with breast cancer just four months after she was but, happily, is now in remission.
Her advice to other women is to make the most of every day.
“Carry on, keep fighting and just enjoy life. I do. I don’t care if it’s raining any more. Every day is a gem.”