Jodie Hedley-Ward
Feeling sexy is all about attitude and letting what’s on the inside show on the outside
Words: Nakita Ardern
Ugly days – we’ve all had em’!
When mirrors are the enemy and trackies are your best friend. When happiness is found in the safety of your living room away from the judging eyes of the world and comfort lies in anything over 400 calories.
But what if we told you one mother had found the key to overcoming the battle of the bulge, the cure for self-doubt and insecurity, the elixir of loving what’s on the inside so you can work on the outside? Jodie Hedley Ward is one sexy mother turning up all the romantic, passionate ideals of women that have taken a backseat to childbirth, disease and neglect.
The 35 year-old author of the You Sexy Mother series of inspirational books subscribes to the view that women should love themselves no matter what extra (or absent) lumps make up their exterior – easy for some though, right?
From the outside it’s easy to assume Jodie has never had an ugly day in her life. The petite mum-of-two lives to exercise, wonders how she came to be the luckiest parent on earth and then travels the globe telling others how easy it is to be just like her.
Jodie was born in Dunedin and holds a Master of Business degree, a Bachelor of Commerce and a Graduate Diploma in Management. After finishing university, she worked in Hong Kong where she met her husband, David and then continued to travel and work in various marketing positions internationally. Jodie wrote a thesis on the plus-size fashion industry and went on to conduct focus group research in the United Kingdom to assist in the launch of a plus-size Italian clothing label. She returned to her homeland where her two children, Lili and Josh were born, before moving to Australia’s Sunshine Coast in 2007.
Somewhere between countries and the birth of her first child Jodie lost herself. When she looked in the mirror the woman staring back at her was not desirable. She was giving every scrap of her being to her beautiful baby girl – as she believed was the requisite for any new mother – but in the process was making life miserable for herself, albeit unintentionally. She felt fat, frumpy and ‘used up’, like her best life was behind her and her reality was nothing but a tired, washed up mess. To put it bluntly she was ‘sick and tired of feeling sick and tired’.
“It’s impossible to be confident 100 percent of the time,” Jodie assures. “I threw myself so much into motherhood and into being that perfect mum that I lost all connection with myself as a woman first and foremost. It was all about giving my daughter everything, and nine months into it I looked in the mirror and I had lost all self-confidence in myself. I wasn’t spending more than a minute a day on me. I’d given up exercising, my interests and my passions because there was no time. I was so obsessed with being the perfect parent that simple things like going to the supermarket seemed like such a mission that some days seemed too much to bear.”
Every woman, mother or not, can relate to Jodie’s experience at one time or another. But the key to her revolution was her reaction.
“It was David who told me, ‘Jodie, don’t let perfect get in the way of better. Don’t worry if the email isn’t perfect – send it; don’t worry if you won’t say the right words – make the call’. He encourages me to just do it. Whatever the transition is for you, when it comes you’ll be better off for it. Surrender to the fact that perfectionism will never come.”
Further to her ‘turning point’ Jodie recalls a vivid dream she had – never had one seemed so real and had such a profound impact upon her.
“In my dream my whole life had shrunk,” she says. “I was living a life in miniature – like in a dolls house and I was the doll. I thought everything was fine, but one day this giant man came in through the door – a guy I had known in my past. Suddenly he said ‘Jodie – stop! What is going on here? What happened to the Jodie I knew? You had all these big dreams and goals and now you’re so tiny.’ I snapped out of the dream and knew instantly what it was all about. I woke my husband up and told him big changes needed to happen. Poor David rolled over and went back to sleep, but from that day I decided I would do one thing each day to take my life forward in a bigger, braver, more fearless way and I haven’t stopped since.”
The next morning Jodie made her first act of self-transformation. She took to her wardrobe; an anthology of tracksuit pants and fleecy tops – everyday comfy clothes that included maternity wear, which nine months into motherhood she deemed unacceptable.
“I put every garment that made me feel fat, frumpy and old into a box. I couldn’t bear to throw them out – just in case I regretted it – so I put them on a one-week holiday in my garage. I decided if I could survive seven days only wearing the nice things in my wardrobe that I saved for special occasions I was going to throw the comfies out once and for all.
“I wanted to be one of those mums that you admire; when she walks down the street she looks glamorous and happy with herself. She has a scarf around her neck or a cute hat on her head – something little to show she’s made an effort. I wasn’t in a place to make huge changes – I didn’t have a million dollars. I took small but powerful steps upwards.”
Next on the list of accessible improvements was her home environment. This dedicated mother was spending enough time at home so she wanted to make it the best possible place it could be – simple things like picking flowers from her garden and arranging them in her lounge or rearranging her furniture to accentuate what she already had. The changes, although small at first, began to have dramatic consequences.
“The changes to my home and my wardrobe started to affect how I carried myself. Without thinking, I was walking taller. When I walked passed the mirror I began to like what I saw. I didn’t say too much to my husband at the beginning. It started off more as an inner journey, but it wasn’t long before he came home from work one day and said, “Jodie, I don’t know what you’re doing but you seem different – what’s going on?” It wasn’t that he noticed anything particularly different about me but he could sense the energy within me had changed.”
Around this time of self-discovery Jodie journeyed to her local bookshop in search of a hand to hold through the process – a paperback mentor to act as her guide.
“I had a vague idea of the ‘best me’ I wanted to be, but I knew I wasn’t being her yet. I thought there’s got to be a book to tell me how to get from A to B but all I could find were books on breast feeding, toilet training and how to get your child to sleep through the night – not one book about my emotional journey as a woman. Other mothers I talked to had accepted that they were on their own to work through this difficult transition by themselves. But I was not going to accept that my life was now going to be a second-rate version of my old life.”
Jodie went away, not discouraged, but rather resolute that this motherhood journey was going to be the catalyst for creating the best life she had ever experienced.
“I knew that if I was feeling this way – an intense desire to live a better life than I was living – I knew that surely there must be hundreds of other women out there who felt the same.”
In 2008, she wrote a book about her experience, You Sexy Mother – a life changing approach to motherhood.
Soon enough word got out about this mum from the Sunshine Coast telling other mums they could be sexy, and the story was picked up by Channel 9’s A Current Affair. The result was astounding – within 24 hours 1600 emails poured into Jodie’s inbox from mothers all over the country saying they wanted to feel good, and heaven forbid ‘sexy’ too. This was the beginning of the You Sexy Mother phenomena.
“Sexy and mum were never heard in the same sentence,” says Jodie. “We were told to accept it; your body will never be sexy again. I wanted to challenge that whole notion. Why can’t we be sexy? Why can’t we be gorgeous, desirable, happy, whatever we want to be…”.
The book went on to become a best-seller and was followed in 2010 by You Sexy Mother: The Journal, which showed mothers how to get in touch with their authentic selves by journaling and writing about their dreams and visions for the future in a very honest way. It also presented the perfect opportunity for mums to connect to groups and work through the book, and the Ten-Step Turnaround Plan to make rapid, positive change in their lives.
In 2010 the not-for-profit organisation ‘You Sexy Mother in the Community’ was formed by a group of dedicated mums all wanting to take the philosophy out to a broader audience. Jodie came on board as patron of the group and helped develop a Facebook site and a soon to be released e-book, which can be accessed for free by mums who want to create a ‘You Sexy Mother-style mothers group’ in their local community. Jodie relishes in this work, meeting women like herself from all different backgrounds, each with their own individual, inspiring story to tell.
“I never understood when people would say that sickness was the best thing that ever happened to them until I met Mary,” Jodie tells. “Mary is a good friend I have here on the Sunshine Coast. As a mum and a grandmother she was always telling me how she felt there was more she needed to do with life, but she was so busy being busy she wasn’t living an authentic life for her. But she didn’t make the change. Then she was diagnosed with breast cancer and we thought that was it. But from that diagnosis she explained to me how it was the best thing that had ever happened to her. After her diagnosis she made a commitment to herself that she would put her needs first. She would make exercise, meditation and healthy eating her top priority. Now she’s the best she’s ever been. I suppose it isn’t until you look back and realise all the amazing growth that takes place that you become grateful for the trials you go through.”
In 2009, Jodie took her initiative further and co-founded what has become one of the largest motherhood research studies ever conducted internationally, The International Motherhood Study, alongside renowned psychologist, Dr Angela Huntsman and the University of the Sunshine Coast. Over 5,000 women responded to over 131 questions about every aspect of their lives, in a comprehensive study about what it means to be a mother in the 21st Century. The results of the study (Australia/NZ/USA/UK) now guide the development of future books and initiatives.
“The most exciting thing about my work is not so much about what happens to you – because we all experience different things whether it be becoming a stay-at-home-mum for the first time or being diagnosed with breast cancer,” Jodie explains. “I’m constantly fascinated by the transition of going through something like that – like a caterpillar going into its cocoon and becoming a butterfly. How do you get from A to Z? When we’re feeling those tough moments in life, which we all do, what is it that gets us out of that experience?”
Also in 2010, her third book, the YSM Body Bible was launched. It was inspired by the body image statistics that came out of the International Motherhood Study, which report that only 12 percent of mums feel satisfied with their bodies and just 12 percent of mums feel happy about the way they look. The YSM Body Bible is a complete guide to looking and feeling great as a mum, and includes Jodie’s personal journey from feeling frumpy to feeling fab!
“Have you ever wanted to experience something but realised that what you wanted was so far removed from your reality that you didn’t even know how to articulate it?” she writes. “That’s how I felt. I knew precisely what my body wasn’t, and I had become very good at camouflaging parts of it that I wanted to hide and emphasising my better aspects. The saying ‘Good is the enemy of great’ certainly applies to matters of health and fitness. As my life became busier I started abusing coffee to the point where I would reach for a caffeine fix to give me the energy I needed to keep going at the pace I wanted. I probably would have continued that way if it hadn’t been for a little boy called Josh, who at just two years of age received an important health diagnosis. My son’s diagnosis of coeliac disease sent my world into a spin and resulted in my embarking on a search for optimal health, something I wasn’t sure I had ever truly experienced.”
Now based five minutes from the beach on the Sunshine Coast, Jodie’s favourite thing to do is get up early in the morning and run along the waterfront. Then she’ll stop for a cup of coffee at a seaside cafe before starting her day.
“I take time to remember why I’m here and what life is all about. I have to listen to my own advice and when it all gets too much I need to slow down and take time for myself.”
Jodie emphasises that self-care is so much more than vanity.
“It’s great to go into your wardrobe and know all of your clothes are going to fit, but the better feeling is knowing you can run around after your children and keep up with them. Don’t think it’s a luxury or that you’re being selfish by taking time out for yourself. Self-care is absolutely essential.
“My passion has always been about living authentically and living your passion as a woman. I truly believe that motherhood can act as the catalyst for creating your best life – by forcing you to stop procrastinating and start living the life you always hoped for. What started out as a tiny flicker of an idea, as a mum who wanted so much more from life, has turned into an unstoppable desire to change the face of motherhood – one mother at a time!”
Eliminate stress
For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
LILY TOMLIN
We respond to all stress through a system designed to keep us alive in dangerous situations, commonly referred to as the ‘fight-or-flight’ response. In the modern world, even though our lives are rarely threatened, there is plenty of stimulus. This means we are in an extended state of stress, which gives our bodies little chance to recover and takes an enormous toll of our systems. The way this plays out in our lives includes the following less than wonderful outcomes:
1. Sex drive/libido may decrease significantly.
Result: Stress affects your hormones, reducing your levels of testosterone and your sex drive.
2. Abdominal fat stores may increase.
Result: This is directly linked to greater health risks and a not so attractive-looking mid-section – eek!
3. Metabolism may slow down.
Result: You burn less energy, which makes weight-gain easier and weight-loss harder.
4. Cravings for more fatty, salty and sugary foods may increase.
Result: You become more prone to making unhealthy food choices.
5. Blood sugar levels may become altered.
Result: Mood swings, low energy levels and difficulties burning stored fat.
6. Blood pressure may increase.
Result: Potentially serious health implications related to heart disease and stroke.
CORTISOL , THE STRESS HORMONE
The hormone cortisol is produced in response to stress.
Cortisol is important for many of our bodily functions, including regulating blood sugar levels and blood pressure, providing energy for activity, and assisting with general immunity and healing processes. Whenever our bodies are stressed, either physically or emotionally, they respond by secreting cortisol.
Cortisol is responsible for fat and carbohydrate metabolism, providing fast energy during the fight-or-flight response. What happens in the course of our lives as mothers, however, is that any stress, such as emotional stress in response to our children or feeling overwhelmed, creates the same stress response but without the expenditure of much energy. Our appetites increase and the only result is an expanding waistline over time.
Stress, therefore, is more than just an inconvenience or an annoyance; it is something very serious that we need to work at eliminating if we are ever to commit seriously to a healthy lifestyle in the long term. Any efforts towards stress reduction will be rewarded with a biochemistry that is working for you, rather than against you, in your efforts to achieve a leaner, healthier body.
This stress literally creates walls around your ability to lose weight. Think about it. According to your body, there is a real threat to your life, so why on earth would it waste your precious fat reserves in what may be a time of need?
Stress: you have two options
There are really only two ways you can remove stress from your life. Taking no action or the wrong action will only amplify your stress levels.
1. Eliminate
Let’s say your stressor was time-related; decide to take action to change the situation. If it’s true that you are always doing a thousand things at once, make a decision to eliminate some of your commitments and practise saying the word ‘No’. Nothing is so important that you should choose it over your health; if you think it is, you need to seriously evaluate your priorities.
2. Accept and deflect
Not all stressors can be eliminated, at least not immediately. Your next best option is to ‘accept and deflect’. This means that you accept the presence of the issue but choose not to react in a stressful way. This can often be applied when we consider family members or, dare I say it, the in-laws.
An example might be that you feel stress whenever your in-laws come to stay for holidays or family celebrations. Perhaps you feel judged, or the situation heightens any insecurities you may have as a mother, wife or homemaker (and trust me, you are not alone in this). To accept and deflect the stress, you might continue to invite your in-laws for holidays, but rather than allow yourself to become stressed and tense, you might work out with your partner that you will go to the gym each day during their stay, to ensure you have the necessary time-out and also to recharge and enjoy the adrenalin buzz that floods your body after exercise.
Take action
• List and prioritise your biggest stressors in the order in which they affect your life.
• Create a plan to eliminate the stress or to accept and deflect it.
• Use one or more of the following stress-reducing techniques daily.
Ten stress relieving techniques
How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward.
SPANISH PROVERB
1. Breathing exercises
Sit, stand or lie down in a relaxed position. Slowly inhale through your nose while counting to five in your head, then exhale through your mouth while counting to eight.
Do this five to ten times to relieve tension, or for several minutes as a form of meditation.
2. Physical exercise
Hang in there for at least 20 minutes, after which your body will release endorphins, which makes you feel happy.
3. Listening
Shutting your eyes and focusing on every single sound you can hear is a good way to shift your attention and allow yourself to relax. This is also a great technique if you find it hard to fall asleep. Just open up your bedroom window, close your eyes and pay attention. It sure beats counting sheep!
4. Guided relaxation
Listening to a guided visualisation and progressive muscle relaxation exercise can be a great way to cope with stress. If taking a nap is not your thing but you know you need more rest or relaxation, this can be an excellent, relatively quick option to fit into your day. Use it when you go to bed at night to help switch off, especially on those nights when your mind starts working overtime trying to solve the problems of the world.
5. Time management
Take five to ten minutes (with a cup of calming chamomile tea) and write down your most critical tasks for the day. Once you have them all down, give them a timeframe (10 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes) and prioritise them according to importance. Usually the tasks you put off are the ones you really should be finishing first. Try this for a week and see if time management could be the answer to drastically reducing your stress.
6. Sex
Having sex is one of the best stress and tension reducers there are. It’s fun, it’s free and most of the time, our husbands and partners are only too happy to oblige. What’s more, it burns calories and helps sculpt a great body (if you do it enough). What’s not to love?
7. Playing music
Choose music that gives you a really positive feel with a slow to medium tempo. Avoid music that is too fast or frenetic as it may have the opposite effect.
8. Meditation
When you meditate, your brain enters an area of functioning that is similar to sleep, but with added benefits you can’t achieve any other way, including the release of certain health-promoting hormones. Learning to mentally focus on nothingness keeps your mind from working overtime and increasing your stress levels.
9. Vitamins and antioxidants
A multivitamin and antioxidant supplement can successfully cover your deficiencies not only in stress-related vitamins, but the entire spectrum that your body requires. Seek advice from your doctor and/or health professional.
10. Sleep
Sleep truly is a wonderful thing – keep reading for more information on the power of sleep.
Extracted from YSM Body Bible, $39.99, exislepublishing.co.nz
